Photo Courtesy of David at

I have an embarrassing confession.

I watch Gray’s Anatomy. I don’t tend to share this information because it’s easy to judge someone for the television shows they pick, and Gray’s Anatomy might as well be a soap opera. Plus, it can be inappropriate. Like I said, soap opera. That being said, I bring this up because in this tv series, the main character, Meredith Gray, struggles with feeling isolated and lost. Viewers know she wouldn’t make it very far if she didn’t have “her person.”

Christina Yang is her person. Here is why Christina Yang is her person. She will show up at any time of the day, going as far as kicking Meredith’s husband out of bed to get some girl time. Christina listens to Meredith’s never-ending droning about the what-ifs in life, and the darkness pervading her reality. When all else fails, and they don’t have any answers, Christina is there to “dance it out” with Meredith.

Last week I posted an article about the importance of getting connected to other women outside of your church and family. Don’t get me wrong, I have lots of amazing connections at church and I love my family! But I’m talking about having one or more people outside who you can go to when it’s not appropriate, or you’re not ready, to share certain information with your church- family or family-family.

You probably know what it feels like to get close to the wrong person, but what might it be like to get connected in a healthy relationship? Here are a few things to look for in “your person.”

  1. Someone who speaks the truth

Speaking the truth can take many forms. There’s brutal honesty, but who wants that? When I think about someone who speaks truth into my life, I think about a person who speaks the truth of God’s word into my life. Your person shouldn’t be too afraid to tell the truth, and that truth should be steeped in God’s word.

2. Someone who has time for you

Duh. You want someone in your life who wants to be there. If you’re trying to make a connection, but the other person is always too busy, maybe it’s time to look in another place.

3. Someone who does the same thing you do

The reason Christina is so good at understanding Meredith is because they are both surgeons. Both know what it’s like to be up at all hours of the night saving lives. Both know what it’s like to be driven toward success at the risk of going insane. You deserve to have someone in your life who does what you do, too. There are a lot of networks that work with church planters and their spouses. I have benefitted greatly from church planter retreats and events where I meet other spouses. If you can’t find an event, create one! Host a dinner at your house and send out invitations. Make some phone calls. You can do it, and it will be worth your time.

4. Someone who needs you, too

Your person should be someone you can give back to sometimes. Nobody wants a one-sided relationship. You can’t always be the person talking, being comforted, the one doing all of the taking. Find a person who will receive as well as give.

5. Someone who doesn’t try to fix you, and who isn’t devastated by your problems

Your person can’t see you as something broken to fix, and she can’t fall apart when you share your bad news. This is one of the reasons it’s difficult to have family be “your person.” Family has too much personal stake in your well-being. Your person has to care about your well-being, but not to the point of her life being ruined by your issues.

In the Bible, Psalms 18:24 tells us, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

I pray, dear planter’s wife, that you can find “your person.” I pray that you won’t be lost in the crowds at church, or the sea of people that surround you everywhere you go, but that you will be able to get connected in a healthy way.

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