“Where’s your wife?”
Does your husband get this question a lot? You probably don’t know. If you are by your husband’s side during church events, then there is no reason for the question to be asked. If you aren’t with your husband at church events, you wouldn’t be there to hear the inquiry.
Many wives lead ministries which require their attention before, during and after the service. They probably never asked themselves the following question: How important is it for the pastor’s wife to be by her husband’s side during church events?
I finally started asking myself this question when my husband told me how much he liked me by his side at church. He told me it meant a lot to him when I stood with him during greeting, when I was in the front row when he preached, or when we simply did ministry together. He wasn’t telling me to quit all of my extra ministries. He wasn’t trying to control me. His reason for telling me this was because he loves me.
There are times when it is impossible to be by your husband’s side. You might be sick, need to take care of a family member, or haven’t figured out a way to replace yourself in your ministry (more on this topic, next week). I am not writing this post to point a finger at you, or to condemn you. I would never want to write with that purpose in mind.
I am writing this post to get you to consider that it might be more important than you think. Consider the following reasons that it might be a good idea for you to be by your husband’s side during church events…
Five reasons it is a good idea for you to be by your husband’s side during church events…
1. The church will see you are committed to each other in action as well as words.
The world needs more examples of loving, Christ-centered marriages, especially when so many marriages end in divorce. Seeing you in action together will help them visualize what it’s like to stick by each other’s sides. It can be as simple as sitting in front where you can smile at your husband, or serving communion together.
What is one thing you and your husband might be able to do, together, at church?
2. The church will see you have each other’s backs.
This suggestion might seem silly if you and your husband haven’t had to hand each other Kleenex while discussing a conflict that came up at church. However, when conflict does arise, as it always does, your congregation will know whose side you will take. Hint: You should side with your husband. Sure, he makes mistakes, but it’s critical that you give him the benefit of the doubt, especially in public. When you are physically by each other’s sides more often, church members and leadership will be much less likely to try to get you to blame each other (not that they would do this intentionally, but it does happen).
Do you support your husband in public?
3. It could help you feel closer to your husband.
How many times have you been fighting with your family on the way to church? If you’re telling the truth, it’s probably more often than you wish. Even if I have been arguing with my husband or kids before church, something awesome happens during the service. I’ve spent time among believers, the Holy Spirit has moved, and I’m back to my normal self (usually). If you spend the service with your husband, this time can be spent drawing closer to each other, as well as God. Plus, it can help you feel those warm and fuzzy feelings toward your husband when you see him providing a listening ear to someone in need, or see him laugh with a friend.
Do you feel closer to your husband when you spend time together?
4. You will have more of a sense that your are in ministry together, which can be refreshing.
Sometimes, spending time by each other’s sides at church can make ministry less draining. When you share something enjoyable or challenging, and we all know ministry is both of these, you now have something that you both own. You have the same memories and the same opportunities to connect with people. Afterwards, you will have more to debrief about.
Do you feel refreshed when you serve with your husband?
5. Your husband wants you there.
He may not say it, but your husband wants to see you in church. Remember the days when you couldn’t wait to see each other? You’re still those same people who fell in love. I love it when I get to sit in the front row when John is preaching. I tend to laugh the loudest at his jokes and get the most tears in my eyes when he shares meaningful stories (especially if it’s about our family). The church loves to join you on this journey. The church wants you there, too. They care about you, and want to interact with you. Allow them time to do this.
I’m not saying you have to follow your husband around like lint on black pants, but ask yourself, could I make more time to be by husband’s side during church events? If so, then go for it! I believe that you will see some great things come from this. Try it! What have you got to lose?